I Survived!!! Maybe...

Well all I survived the dreaded road trip. Got off to a lil bit of a rocky start but it eventually turned out okay. It helped that I flew back a day early because of work so I didn't need to stay medicated the whole time. One of the hiccups was the night out on the town. I've had my inebriated times shutting the bars and clubs down. However, now I'm sooo over it. I have to be feeling really good in order to place myself in a tiny, crowded place and not feel like I'm being suffocated. It doesn't help that I'm from a town where the bars and clubs are getting shot up constantly. Because of this I always look for multiple exits and I am constantly on the look out for trouble.

We happen to hit up two locations that night. First one was no problem, outside patio helps my issues a lot. Second place though, within in thirty minutes of being there some joker gets put out and the bouncer almost knocks me over in the process. I'm so done and nowhere near drunk enough to let it roll off my back. After that I find the one of the most tucked away spots in the place and burrow in. Thank goodness for the most part my friends understand this and let me be for a moment. I drown myself in Twitter for a bit and take a few shots of what ever the bar hop girl is passing around.

As I calm myself down the realization hit me that it's happening again. I've surrounded myself with the social butterflies, the pretty people, the in-crowd.  How the fuck does this keep happening? I'm the fat, awkward, afro wearing, societal unattractive black girl. There is always one ugly one in the crew.  I'm never completely up on the latest fashions, or music or celebrity blah, blah blah. I tend to stay in my nerdy lane. I get excited when I can read the next Naruto or Bleach. I got excited for Shark Week. I watch Deadliest Catch faithfully for god's sake!!

Then I realize none of these people know that. I'm the purse/coat/drink watcher, the place holder.

Well people, this place holder is fading fast.

The Fifth Wheel

On a road trip with a few friends and I have the wonderful position of being the 5th wheel. Ohhh, what JOY!!! (there really needs to be a sarcasm font) I used to be okay with this I've played this roll more times than I can count. Lately though I've just been annoyed. So much so that as soon as I got in the car I popped a Xanax and I know that I will be taking quite a few more to get through the next couple of days. I'm not excited at. all. about this adventure.

I don't know why I've been getting annoyed by simplest things lately. I'm starting to think that I spend so much time by myself that I am become adverse to contact with people in my personal life. Somehow I do fine at work maybe cause there the mask is always on.

I'm going to really have to try hard this trip though. The mask has already slipped once and I can't continue to let it out. This is gonna be hard as shit. One friend reads people pretty good.

I'm normally always game for a road trip and I was dreading packing for this one. And if wasn't for the money that I already shelled out this awkward black girl would still be curled up in her blankets.

Lord, please allow me survive the next 48 hours without cracking.