Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Mid life crisis
Yup, I think it's happening. Outside looking in, it seems like I damn near have it all. However, I'm probably at one of the most unhappiest times of my life. I am not taking what I have for granted, I have a roof over my head, I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get my next meal & I have people around me that love me. I just feel like I'm not truly living. I had a conversation with my aunt that made me realize how much I'm not enjoying life right now. My life is pretty much a cycle of sleep, work, home. I'm missing out on friends, family & overall social life. I'd like to do some volunteer work, travel a little more, actually see my family on the holidays. But the decisions I've made that I thought would be good for me are in hindsight hindering me right now. I'm not one for rash decisions, but I'm going to make an effort to change to not let work consume me, to do more, to explore, to actually live happy. So it's time to sacrifice some things in order to actually enjoy life.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Tired
I'm TIRED!!!!!!!!ARGHHHHHH!!!!
Tired of games. Tired of work. Tired of life. Tired of pretending to give a shit. Ehh, who the fuck am I kidding. I have to big a heart and I'm tired of it getting trampled on. People are always taking my kindness for a weakness and maybe their right. It's just, well... I was raised to CARE about people to help others when you see them trying to help themselves but I can't help everybody. So I'm going to stop. Right here, right now. Helping everybody else has left my empty and damn near soul-less. I need time to focus on myself. Get MY mind right and my body. I was already working my way into being a cold-heart less bitch but I might as well start early. It's time for me to be selfish for a while.
The walls are going up and my heart is going in a little tiny box under lock and key and going up on the shelf. After it has time to heal, I'll think about taking it down and sharing it for a bit but only after I have ensured all the proper defense are in place so it won't get broke again.
Tired of games. Tired of work. Tired of life. Tired of pretending to give a shit. Ehh, who the fuck am I kidding. I have to big a heart and I'm tired of it getting trampled on. People are always taking my kindness for a weakness and maybe their right. It's just, well... I was raised to CARE about people to help others when you see them trying to help themselves but I can't help everybody. So I'm going to stop. Right here, right now. Helping everybody else has left my empty and damn near soul-less. I need time to focus on myself. Get MY mind right and my body. I was already working my way into being a cold-heart less bitch but I might as well start early. It's time for me to be selfish for a while.
The walls are going up and my heart is going in a little tiny box under lock and key and going up on the shelf. After it has time to heal, I'll think about taking it down and sharing it for a bit but only after I have ensured all the proper defense are in place so it won't get broke again.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)